I/O Malfunction
When creative output feels like it's not doing it's job.
Days, bleed into weeks, bleed into months, and here I am, trying to catch myself before those months become a full year. Oops, maybe it already has. Over this time its been remarkably easy to be too busy and distracted to sit down and get some real writing done. (Insert totally valid excuses here, but excuses none the less.)
Time has blurred together in a way I never intended. My focus and energy feels oddly finite and less renewable than it has ever before in my life. Creativity feels like something I must contort myself to reach. But the longer this goes on the worse I feel and the harder it’s become to get back to a creatively satisfying place. And it’s all made worse by not forcing myself to show up and sit in the discomfort. Push through. Keep going. So, here we are again, showing up. Consider this a soft open to my return, a way to shake off the dust, to stoke the embers of my cooling dreams, and reintegrate into the inter-webs.
Getting Back at It
I wish I had the sort of explanation I could share on why I've been so absent and so unproductive over the last... twelve months *gulp*, but it's no ONE thing. I became busy. Once the busyness passed I felt laden, with my mind holding too much and resulting in an anxiousness that's made creativity a struggle.
So far I've attempted to break this by...
re-reading my manuscript,
re-reading my other manuscript,
trying to write a short story,
trying to write fan-fiction,
trying to plot a story,
and finally
trying to write substack posts.
None of which have been all that successful in igniting my mush of a brain into a creative flow state. But I'm just gonna keep hacking away at this creativity thing. Producing half finished or barely started garbage until I get back to some sort of familiarity in my work.
At Least There is This
Even in the climb to get back on the horse, or to the top of the mountain, or whatever metaphor you prefer, I can't say enough good things about having a good writing group. Even at my least productive or creative times having people that encourage one another has been a big factor in keeping my spirit alive and trying to get it back in gear. The only work I have done this year happened during a retreat some of us took and being surrounded by so many hard working, creative, talented, and caring people was one of the highlights of my year.
“You are never too old to set a new goal or to dream a new dream.”
―C.S. Lewis